Major Pitfalls of Self Development

Self Development

Self-development — a world in which people strive for never-lasting excellence, achievements, and happiness. With strong moral conceptions and discipline, they gradually build new skills that help them increase their chances of success, achieve their goals, and manifest their dreams. Well, wait a minute… is that really so? That’s what we are going to talk about!

It was Maslow himself who stated that all individuals have an in-built need for personal development through a process of self-actualization. It’s in our nature to perform, to constantly challenge and self-assess ourselves. And thus, people follow the mindset of a winner, starting the day with a cold shower, followed by a morning workout routine, and scoring some touchdowns before they go to bed. Or, at least they aspire to.

The world of self-development has significantly changed over the centuries. Ancient Greeks gave absolute priority to practical wisdom, Romans developed Stoicism, Europeans in Middle Ages bound their virtues to holiness, and today’s society is centered around cults, offering limitless possibilities toward living a fulfilling life.

However, as with every life management approach, there are some glaring issues and obstacles, sometimes even unintentionally posed by the ones who turned their journey into a mere obsession with the pursuit of dull achievements. Now, let’s take a look at seven major pitfalls you may fall into if you allow yourself to be led astray.

#1: Dopamine Trap

“Thou shall not bear false assumption of Thy pleasure.”

Has it ever occurred to you wherefore do you do the things you do? Well, the truth is that we are never fully in control over our actions, as our logical reasoning is highly affected by something called dopamine — a neurotransmitter that gets activated whenever our brain expects a reward.

Dopamine has a direct influence on the decisions we make and the actions we take. It has evolved primarily with survival intentions, as your brain craves anything that increases your likelihood of survival (yes, that tasty chocolate gets evaluated as a super-critical asset for survival). The issue is that this reward system is not smart enough to figure out what is good for us and what isn’t. That’s why we like food rich in fat and carbs, as it releases a lot of dopamine and triggers the pleasant feeling of satisfaction.

With every dopamine release, the brain craves that source of pleasure over and over, until we develop an addiction to it. The food industry, movie industry, and social media to name a few, are very well aware of it, and their products are designed to release as much dopamine as possible, making the consumer come back over and over.

Our brain in its default configuration doesn’t like doing hard things. It automatically runs towards pleasure and away from pain. That’s why we procrastinate and prefer watching Youtube videos over workouts. We consume and are instantly rewarded.

Luckily, our brains can be tricked into liking hard things. People who seek discomfort are eventually rewarded with long-term satisfaction, but it requires overcoming the urge to engage in short-term pleasures. And for some, this is a colossally difficult task. The longer you have been habituated to your comfort zone, the more difficult it is to change it, because your reward system will punish you by flooding your bloodstream with stress hormones.

When you get past your comfort zone, it takes a lot of discipline to endure. Yet, after some time, your brain will get used to it. That’s what discerns those who resist the temptation and focus on long-term benefits.

Therefore, beware of the dopamine trap!

#2: Motivational Videos

“He that speaketh fantasies only useth his persuasion to reap the gaze of his congregation.”

In every aspect of self-development, there are people who spread their gospel through motivational videos. Moreover, there are also shortcut gurus who tell you all secret hacks to walk the road obstacles-free. And then you start looking for the “last missing piece” — the last secret to losing weight, the last secret to getting your financial freedom.

10k steps every single day. Go for it, whatever it takes. Giving up is for the weak. If you fail, stand up and try again! Focus on the brick, not the wall,...

Motivational videos use a persuasion model developed by Aristotle: ethos, logos, and pathos. People, whose reputation is already strong with their audience, focus on logical arguments and emotional appeal through stories to build an emotional bridge. Lest anyone should think it bad, it’s great to watch these videos —one can always find interesting facts to draw inspiration from. Yet, it’s important to be aware of their true purpose — to release dopamine in your brain, to experience a surge of JoyJoy feelings in assumption that you have just penetrated the enigma of life.

Let’s illustrate this with the following examples:

“You gotta get over yourself […] it’s your job to be in shape every single night […] through your curiosity you will reach a level you didn’t think was possible […] The obstacle is not gonna cripple me, it’s not going to be responsible for me stepping away. I’m gonna step away on my own terms.” Kobe Bryant

“I won because I had a goal […] work your ass off, there is no magic pill […] it’s important to understand that we function better if there is no safety net, as you are cutting yourself off from your chance of succeeding.” Arnold Schwarzenegger

“Nothing is worthwhile unless you take risks […] Fall forward. Every failed experiment is one step closer to the success […] You mustn’t quit. You mustn’t fall back. You walk out of it to be prepared for another shot.” Denzel Washington

We can identify two main caveats from this:

• Podium Popping — ineffective application of success strategies cherry-picked from individuals who have a broadcast podium. It’s impossible to reverse-engineer success from other people, as we only get a fragmented story behind their success.
• Survival Spotlighting — focusing on the survivors of some process because they’re showcased, which will likely bring you to an inaccurate conclusion. A great example is the story of WWII Aircraft armoring. For every person who makes sacrifices and succeeds, there are plenty others who do the same and fail. The game industry, for instance, is full of horrifying stories.

Sometimes it’s necessary to give up, rather than destroy our lives in a dull attempt to achieve something we weren’t destined to achieve. A small failure can provide us with a valuable lesson that we can remedy by trying again. Yet, some failures will not teach us anything and are permanent, as their attempt spans decades (e.g., a bad investment).

Next to purpose and passion, we also need realism — how to figure out that what we are doing is bringing us closer? This is related to strategy, vision, OKRs, and the like.

To conclude, motivational videos are great to watch, but they will barely have any significant effect on your life.

#3: Action Faking

“Whatsoever Thy hand findeth to do, do it with knowledge.”

Another obstacle on the journey of self-development is focusing your time on consuming instead of creating. You read a book — an amazing book. It hooks you, so you start reading another book, and another one and another one, until you find out that you haven’t achieved anything.

Action faking means doing things that make you think that you are making progress while you’re actually not. It’s important to set clear boundaries between what you consume from the industry and what you put into action.

When you finish reading a book, you get a dopamine surge. So, you want to read some more, without thinking about what to do with the insights you gathered from the previous one.

People read about communication practices and servant-leadership approaches, and post their findings on LinkedIn, but only a few put these findings into action.

I had read dozens of books before I realized that I should slow down, focus more time on revisiting my notes, and think about how to introduce them into my long-term plans, rather than craving more knowledge.

#4: Hustle Cults

“Thou shall work heartily, not obsessively.”

Our culture is obsessively focused on unrealistic expectations. This misperceived reality is best hyperbolized in The Allegory of the Cave by Plato. Entrepreneurs preach that success is not easy, but with hard work, it is guaranteed. Their listeners then find themselves reading articles like Five Things Super Productive People Never Do, Ten Secrets of Super Learners, or Five Hacks From Crazy Successful Entrepreneurs.

The more you work, the more celebrated you are. Self-development is a dangerous bubble — you are surrounded by messages about hard work and productivity that makes you feel that you are the one who is doing things wrong.

The following quotes speak for themselves:

„There are way easier places to work, but nobody ever changed the world on 40 hours a week.“ Elon Musk

„Entrepreneurs are using anti-hustle and anti-grind as an excuse to simply not work hard enough to be successful.“ Jodie Cook.

“When you are not practicing, remember, someone somewhere is practicing, and when you meet him he will win.“ Peter Bergman

It’s no exception to see people sending LinkedIn posts about burnout prevention, sabbaticals, and cheesy team buildings. However, sometimes it’s the same people who also post about crunching before deadlines, customer obsession, and a performance-oriented environment.

Hustle culture is corrosive and destructive. It refers to the mentality that work is the center of your identity. The truth is that many successful entrepreneurs are often fu*k-ups in their personal lives because they measure their success solely in terms of their revenue, not their quality of life.

With this mentality, you will begin to feel an urge to be busy all the time. You will feel guilty even when spending time with your family.

It’s not bad to work hard, don’t take me wrong. Actually, I’ve achieved many wonderful things when working my tail off. The issue is to work hard for the sake of working hard. Running a business for the sake of running a business. Paying taxes for the sake of paying taxes (just kidding).

Don’t work hard to get more things done. Work hard so that you can enjoy more spare time with your friends and family.

#5: Ambitious Goals

“Thou shall deal with knowledge. Only a fool layeth open his folly.”

Having ambitious goals from Day #1 puts you in jeopardy of sinking your ship before you even leave the harbor. For instance, at Founder Showcase — one of the pitch events in Silicon Valley, judges from Google asked the founders how their idea was gonna change the world. But that’s not how Google started. That’s not how Youtube started. That’s not how Facebook started.

Google started when Larry Page and Sergey Brin were working on Ph.D. dissertations. The founders of Youtube merely wanted to upload funny video clips. Zuckerberg created Facebook for Harvard students to share their pictures.

Having bold visions early on might get you trapped in a tunnel vision where you will blindly chase something that was actually never worth chasing.

Do you want to write a book? Good! Write a few short stories first. Do you wanna develop a video game? Great! But first, try to create a few mini games to learn the craft. Start with a small bet and iteratively scale as you go!

To me, the journey, mission, and overall direction are more important than the goals. You can always change your goals while maintaining the same direction. If you blindly chase your goals, however, you can spend your life drifting around and not accomplishing anything.

#6: Ego

“A sound heart is the life of the flesh: but envy the rottenness of the bones.”

We have evolved from apes. Therefore, we instinctively measure ourselves against others. Sigmund Freud said that there are two motives: the sex urge and the desire to be great. William James said that the deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated. George Washington wanted to be called “His Mightiness”, Catherine the Great refused to open letters that were not addressed to “Her Imperial Majesty.”

With the unhealthy desire to be admired by everyone, people waste their time doing things they don’t like, to earn money they don’t deserve, to buy things they don’t need, to prove themselves to people they despise.

Pursuing self-development doesn’t mean having a Pinterest-perfect living room and selfies in front of every landmark known to humanity. Sure, it’s great to share your story or glorify your convictions, but there has to be a certain detachment from your ego, which is very difficult to achieve. I’ve been fighting this for years and there is still a lot of work on the matter.

Ego clouds the mind precisely when it needs to be clear. And it’s not only our ego but also the ego of the people we surround ourselves with.

To free yourself from the pre-scripted life indoctrinated by society, it’s sometimes necessary to walk a different path than others. Yet, with this deviation, you may expect some serious clashing, especially from your closest friends, who will not understand how come that you invested your money on sabbatical when you’re still driving a decade-old car, for instance.

#7: Living for Tomorrow

“If Thou hast the multitude of dreams and many words, Thou also hast divers vanities.”

There is a mountain in the Alps of a mild elevation (I don’t remember its name). You see its peak from downhill, and once you walk up there, you figure out that there is another peak. And every time you climb the next peak, there is one more ahead of you.

This is a nice parable to several aspects of life — one more project before I get my financial freedom, one more fight before I retire, one more try. There is a nice saying among actors: “When you come to the conclusion that it’s time to let it go, it’s already to late.”

And there is more to it. Successful climbers are stunned to find out how empty it is at the top. You struggle for success, climb a ladder, and after some time, when you’ve hit so many milestones, you feel pretty much the same as you’ve always felt. That’s because you’ve always lived in the future. You’ve lived for somewhere where you weren’t.

When you are living in a future that hasn’t yet arrived, you can’t enjoy the fruits of the present. Therefore, it doesn’t do to dwell on your aspirations, unless you’re able to fully experience the present moment.

Conclusion

“There is no work, nor knowledge, nor wisdom, in the grave, whither Thou goest.”

Self-development is a lifelong process. It is not about building a successful business or chasing financial freedom. It’s all about focusing and improving on the things that matter to you, including your relationships and your joy, while maintaining high moral standards. It is a way to assess your qualities, consider their aims in life, and make use of their potential to live through the beauty and also the crushing tragedy of life.

What memories you’d like to revisit when you’re old? How diligently you worked, how happy the customer was when you delivered their project before the deadline? Or rather, how was your kid’s first day at school, or how did you quit your dead-end job and enjoyed a 6-month sabbatical full of adventures and life-changing revelations?

Time spent can never be reclaimed or refilled. The work will always be there and it will never end, but your life will. And at the end of the day, the most mature thing any of us can ever do is to live a life to remember.